Whitney Biennial 2024

2024

Assorted chairs gathered in a circle around two video screens.

Mobile captioning is available.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:00:00].

[inaudible 00:00:00], yeah, man.

Sharon Hayes:

Is sex important to you?

Speaker 2:

Well, (laughing) yeah. (laughing)

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:00:58].

Hmm.

Speaker 2:

It is, but I think now that I'm older it's not, it's not on the top, top of the list, is what it is.

Sharon Hayes:

How about you? Is sex important to you?

Ridge:

Yes. Absolutely. Oh, yeah.

Sharon Hayes:

Do you think you're a better lover now than you used to be? (laughing)

Speaker 4:

Honey, I, I'm well, I'm, I'm, I'm 80. I'm up in my 80s. I'm kind of... That pilot kind of turned off. (laughing) And I ju-... And I don't worry about-

Speaker 1:

I know.

(laughs)

Speaker 4:

... that anymore. (laughing). Well, you know, just I'm not worried about that, but if there's a Rockefeller around there-

Speaker 1:

All right, yeah. (laughing)

Speaker 4:

... around there somewhere, it'll be back on.

Sharon Hayes:

And has your relationship to sex changed since... as you've gotten older?

Speaker 5:

I had to stop some things because of age, but no. My sex now is more fantasy, mental than physical.

Sharon Hayes:

Do you think you're sexier now than you were when you were younger?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, [inaudible 00:01:46].

Speaker 5:

No, I was much sexier when I was-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:01:48].

Speaker 5:

... younger, much sexier, but I'm still sexy now.

Speaker 1:

Mm, yeah.

Speaker 5:

(laughs)

Speaker 1:

Yeah, all right. [inaudible 00:01:53].

Sharon Hayes:

Do you think you're a better lover now than you were when you were young?

Speaker 6:

Oh, my god. Yes. (laughs)

Sharon Hayes:

Why? How?

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:01:59].

(laughs)

Speaker 6:

I didn't know you were gonna go there. (laughing) Um, yeah. I mean, you know things. You learn things. You learn things about your body. You know... learn things about your, partners. Um, sure, I... That you... Yeah, it's a process of age. Yeah, there's... You know, I'm not cumming on the ceiling anymore, but, um-

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 6:

... it's, it's just as intense, is, if not more so. It's just different, just different, and I think better. Um, you become... I think, as you get older, you become more... l- l- less physical, less gymnastic and more, um, more tender and more compassionate, more, more giving.

Speaker 7:

Things have changed dramatically.

Sharon Hayes:

What do you mean?

Speaker 7:

Well, it's just... Well, first of all, I'm a prostate cancer survivor. And, um, since that time, um, having what I would call athletic sex has definitely changed-

Sharon Hayes:

[inaudible 00:02:59].

Speaker 7:

... for me. So, those days are kinda done.

Sharon Hayes:

And have your desires changed, then?

Speaker 7:

Uh, they've increased actually.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 7:

I think they have (laughs) over the years. Yeah.

Sharon Hayes:

So, s-

Speaker 7:

Uh, I just don't act upon them like I did back in the day. Shh.

Speaker 5:

You know, I see more doctors than I see boyfriends. And like he said, cancer survivor, stroke survivor, so surviving those things. And just getting a hug is sex for me nowadays.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Sharon Hayes:

Do you think sexuality is a problem for your generation?

Speaker 8:

Uh, I... Actually, I don't. I think that sexuality is underestimated for my generation, that a lotta kids think, "Oh, well, they're old now, and they're all dried up. And they don't want it anymore, and they don't do it anymore." And boy, do they have another thing coming. (laughing)

Sharon Hayes:

Do you think you're a better lover now?

Speaker 8:

I think I was always a wonderful lover. (laughing) Actually my sweetheart right now is in dementia care and is kind of dwindling away. And I had a little bit of an interest at one point, um, maybe a little zing at one point with somebody, but it's not as important to me as it used to be. When I was young dike I wanted to do it all the time with whoever I could.

Sharon Hayes:

And do you think you're a better lover now? (laughing)

Speaker 8:

Okay. (laughing)

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:04:26] that's listening. (laughing)

Speaker 8:

Yes, I do. (laughs)

Speaker 1:

Yeah. (laughing)

Sharon Hayes:

What do you think? (laughing)

Speaker 9:

Oh, yeah. (laughing) Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 9:

Being in the, in a long-term relationship, there is a transition of sexuality, hot and heavy through different stages as you go on in life. Um, but the spark is always there, for me anyway.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 9:

Like the twinkle in the eye, the look that you get, it's always there.

Speaker 10:

When I was young, if you just looked at me and blew-

Speaker 1:

(laughing)

Speaker 10:

... I was ready. (laughs)

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:05:03]. Oh.

Speaker 10:

Now, you gotta rub my back. (laughing) You gotta sit there and give me a cup of coffee or a (laughing) cocktail. You know, you gotta cook me a good meal.

Speaker 1:

Yep, uh-huh.

Oh, yeah.

Speaker 10:

You, you gotta work for... You know, (laughing) you work for it, (laughing) you know, 'cause it... When I was younger, j- honey, j- all... You coulda had it at any given moment, but now I gotta work into it. I don't automatically just jump to, "Let's go."

Sharon Hayes:

Are you a better lover now?

Speaker 10:

The best. (laughing)

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:05:38].

Speaker 10:

Oh, honey, this is caviar sitting in this chair.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 11:

In order to answer questions like that, um, I think people have to think back in their memory so intensely. I think, when you do that, you find that actually a lot of things have improved more than you thought. I don't know. Maybe I wasn't that great back then. I was just cuter. (laughing)

Sharon Hayes:

Are, are you more sexy now then?

Fernando:

[inaudible 00:06:13].

Speaker 11:

Fernando is nodding. (laughing)

Fernando:

I am.

Speaker 11:

Yes, you are sexy.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Fernando:

Um, yes, [inaudible 00:06:19].

Speaker 11:

Fernando wants me to say yes. (laughing) If I'm online and I'm writing to people, yeah, I think I'm sexier now.

Speaker 13:

No, I think I'm just as good. Let me put it that way. My desires i- uh, in, have changed in terms of intensity, okay, because it used to be on my mind all the time. And now, it's not on my mind all the time. In fact, it's very rarely on my mind. Uh, and I think that's just a, you know, [inaudible 00:06:46] a product of g- of going, oh, of growing older and that kind of a thing.

But, um, but I still think I'm sexy. Um, and I feel sexy. I've always felt really sexy. And I think there's a great advantage to that because when you feel sexy, I think people see you sexually. They're more inclined to see you in that realm if you present that to... as who you are and ha- and how you feel. And that's an advantage if you're looking for sex.

Speaker 2:

There's a difference between sex and being sexual.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

Uh, I feel sexual-

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

... but I don't have a partner. I'm also an older woman. It's very hard to find someone, so I don't dwell on that. I move forward, and if I meet someone, good for me. But, um, mm, but that d- that's a drive I still have. Oh, mm, sex is a problem for my generation? Gen- ju- (laughing) not at all. (laughs)

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Ridge:

I, I've... Anything, I think my generation was very exploratory, very welcoming, very curious. I mean, I'm 56, and I'm still very curious about what the next [foreign language 00:07:58] is, you know, like, what, yeah, what am gonna do to make her blush.

Sharon Hayes:

Is she a better lover now than she used to be?

Speaker 14:

She is fabulous now, and she is fabulous, was fabulous when we were young. And now, it's even a little more interesting 'cause we're just not always a she. Sometimes we're just a he, sometimes we're just a they, and, so things are much more fluid than-

Speaker 1:

Uh...

Speaker 14:

... they were when we were younger.

Sharon Hayes:

How does gender affect your sex life?

Speaker 1:

Not well.

(laughs)

Ridge:

Well, um-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:08:30].

Ridge:

... I don't even know how to even approach that. Y- you wanna give it a shot?

Speaker 14:

Ridge started to transition in 2016-

Ridge:

'16.

Speaker 14:

... '17, '18.

Ridge:

Yeah.

Speaker 14:

And uh, initially, for me, it was an issue. Right? Because if Ridge is a male, then I'm straight, and so what does that mean? And, so there's a lot of questioning.

Honestly, I... although I identify as a lesbian, I am... In an ideal world, I think I would be straight up bisexual. Um, there was a moment where (laughs) Ridge was acting like a penis attachment at the beginning of their transition. Too much testosterone. Not knowing how to handle that much testosterone, it became a problem. In terms of our sex life during that time, it was like through the ceiling, but our personal life was suffering greatly-

Ridge:

Oh, yes.

Speaker 14:

... because it messed with my sense of me as a feminist, um, and of me as a lesbian. Now, all of that's has sort of worked itself out. We are at ease and at peace with who we are, and that makes everything better, including sex.

Ridge:

The whole gender thing, male/female, am I one or the other, I'm both. And Yolanda Redder, who is, many of us, we're very attached to her. And her was like, "The third sex is butch," and I'm like, "Yeah, that's it. That's what I am." You know, I'm butch. I am, "That's my gender."

Speaker 15:

I know I had a really interesting experience at the LGBT Center because I came out as being a lesbian, but I'm more boy than girl. And, so I said... I didn't know what to say. I couldn't go through the operation. That wasn't gonna work. And, and, and any way, I love me, and I decided I didn't want it after all of that, but I got, I got ousted out of a lesbian group because I was considering having the operation. And they was like, "You can't be a part of us now." And I was like, "Wait, what? Wait. I'm still a lesbian, though." (laughs) "I'm still a woman mother." And yeah, it just was a whole bunch of, of confusion.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:10:40] something.

Speaker 15:

The intensity of what we experienced in, in the '80s and the '90s, it was this relationship to sex and gender that was you had to make a choice, right.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:10:54].

Speaker 15:

"Are you butch?" I got that question all the time.

Speaker 1:

Hmm, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 15:

"What are you?" But I mean, it was constant for me.

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 15:

I didn't look really butch, but I didn't look really femme. Sometimes having sex, you know, in a new relationsh-... uh, well, not a relationship, in a new encounter-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 15:

... you know, would be like the expectation is that I either had to be really butch or I had to be really femme, but you couldn't just be fluid.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:11:16].

Speaker 15:

And there was a constant expectation.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 15:

And, so-

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 15:

... uh, today, I think that's the difference is that we get to personally make a choice that I want to be fluid, and 'cause that's who I've always been, but I also don't get the pressure that I used to get from, the external pressure, like, "Make up your mind. What are you?" (laughs) You know, now we can see, "I'm just me."

Speaker 16:

When I was young, I was like this baby butch, um, and then, you know, as I got older, I softened up. And, you know, I, I went through it. Uh you know, I, I used to go to the Trans Conference. At one time, I thought I wanted to trans, and then I didn't. And, and I just, I think now that I've just love myself. You know what I mean? So, um, don't be mad, but I don't really identify. I just me.

Sharon Hayes:

How about you?

Speaker 17:

I have learned through my experience to, to pick my battles, um, because of COVID, I g- I get dialysis Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays. And when I sat down, listen to these bunch of people start talking faggot this, and faggot that. I'm all the... I'm all of a sudden had to s- decide, "How am I gonna respond to this?"

I had spent too much of my life educating other people. I think I've done too many seminars. I've did too many workshops. I just identify myself as myself, and let that, that, let the a music issue guide me a lot of time. That tells people where I'm going. If I'm singing Donna Summer a lot, they can figure it out eventually.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. (laughing)

Yeah. (laughs) You're right.

Sharon Hayes:

How do you identify?

Speaker 18:

I identify as gay man, um, who also has a pension to be a f- a gay male nun.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 13:

You're talking to Sister Missionary Position-

Speaker 1:

Uh.

Speaker 13:

... uh, affectionately known as Mish.

Speaker 18:

I'm a part of a group called the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, and we established ourselves in San Francisco 45 years ago now. And uh, for five year, f- f- four our five years, I lived in the San Francisco area, but I brought my nun with me to the country, and she's been a part of the the, the fabric of the community ever since.

Sharon Hayes:

Was it the, um, community or the land that brought you here?

Speaker 18:

It was the community on the land that brought me here.

Sharon Hayes:

Let's hear from you.

Speaker 13:

Well for me, that's the essence of why I'm here. The land and the sort of consciousness of the community related to land. D- you know, mm, a lot of times, for me, when I grew up, gay lifestyles were... The, the tropes you hear were, "Nice clothes," you go to the nice bars, you have lots of money. I never saw myself that way. I never identified that way.

And, so when I first found out there were gay communities that were centralized, where they were whole communities with the conscious effort of living in an area where you grow gardens, you don't mind having a little dirt under your fingernails. What you're wearing isn't as important as what you're doing.

Sharon Hayes:

Do you feel like you can access who you wanna be in all areas of your life?

Speaker 19:

Um, I'm 66, and I just na-... I've just identified that, because I lost a corporate job a couple of weeks ago, that I'm much more free to be me now and probably will be the rest of my life, without any concerns about what are they gonna think in the office. Is it gonna affect my job? Now, I do- I don't... It doesn't matter.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:14:55].

Speaker 19:

Uh, who knows what's what the future holds? I identify as a butch dike.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:15:02].

(laughs)

Speaker 19:

Period. (laughing)

Speaker 2:

When I came out in 1961, in Texas, I was 21 you had to be either butch or they called it fluff.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 2:

Um, I didn't want to be either one. I'm a woman-loving woman. W- you know, mm, butch/femme, [inaudible 00:15:21], fluff.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

I would've dressed up as Howdy Doody, you know, to-

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 2:

... get into the scene, so I went ahead as fluff. But one time, I was talking to two friends of mine, one was butch and one was fluff, and I said, "I'm attracted to both of you." And the both said, "Ah, oh. Oh, you haven't been out very long. You'll learn," you know, (laughing) which one.

Speaker 20:

I, I wanna reiterate, um, the variations of umbrellas under the term transgender. I, I went through high school. I transitioned at 13, so I went to high school as a female. Um, there wasn't a thing where they knew. I--

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 20:

I went to school as a, as a female. Um, back in that time, 1970, '71, '72, there, either you were a female, a male, a faggot or a drag queen, something like that.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:16:21].

Speaker 20:

And the journey that I was living a- representing that of a female, being completely accepted as a CIS female, so that meant your mannerisms and everything that went along with it. At age 17, I wanted my reassignment surgery. Um, I, I told my dad, and he asked me if I wanted children. I told him that I did. He said, "Well, how you gonna do that if you do that?" I thought about it. I, I now have six children, 18 grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren.

And there're many s- in the trans umbrella that will kind of frown on those that think the way that I think. I, I live predominantly in a somewhat heterosexual environment, on the almost n- near Southgate somewhere. I, I work in the community, but I don't necessarily live in the community. Um, I'm associated, affiliated my org. Identify as a, as a woman, as a female, though I'm preoperative. It's a matter of thinking and a matter of choice.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 20:

I, I, I di- I never, and I'm don't mean to offend anyone, but I never a- adapted to the term queer because remember, in my time, 1970, queer was a terrible thing to be.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 20:

I understand repossessing that word now and owning it. I understand. But for someone that's never practiced or identified as, you can ask me in t- 2024, "Oh, I'm trans and now I'm queer?" No. (laughs) I'm a straight woman. (laughs) And that's what it is for me.

Sharon Hayes:

What is family to you?

Speaker 21:

I have a husband, um, and I have a child who we adopted when she was 10 months old. Now she's 30. Um, and so family means that. Uh, family also means friends who are not blood-related. In fact none of us are blood-related, my spouse and our daughter whom we adopted, and that's, that's part of family.

Sharon Hayes:

Do you feel more or less liberated than your daughter?

Speaker 21:

I'd have to ask my daughter how she feels.

Speaker 22:

I am so-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:18:46].

Speaker 22:

... proud to have-

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 22:

... uh, 10 grandchildren and three kids and great-grandchildren, and the support of z- of the, of the mother that had my children. She was always in my life. She's in my life now. I was in love with her at one time. Yes, we did the dirty, and we had kids.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 22:

But she understand me. She helped me through who I am. She helped me with my grandchildren and my children to let them know where I was from or who I was. My grandchildren respect me as Ms. Loretta, Grandma.

Speaker 23:

Well, my family is really my chosen family, obviously my partner, my spouse, um, my daughter. Um, my daughter's gay. Um, she has a son, who's my grandson, with another woman. A- and they have a known donor for my grandson, and he's very much a part of our family, and his-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:19:42].

Speaker 23:

... husband also, and, um, many of my friends that I've-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:19:46].

Speaker 23:

... known s- mo-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:19:47].

Speaker 23:

... most of my life. I have very little to do, actually, with my biological family.

Sharon Hayes:

So, you have generations of gay in your family.

Speaker 23:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

Uh.

Speaker 23:

Yes, we do.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Sharon Hayes:

And do you feel more or less liberated than your children?

Speaker 23:

Oh, we're all... We all are liberated.

Sharon Hayes:

You have two kids?

Speaker 24:

I do. My d- two daughters.

Sharon Hayes:

Do you think they're more liberated than you were able to be?

Speaker 24:

Oh, definitely. Um, my youngest daughter w- was in a classroom with what we now term queer. Queer is a very difficult term for me to say. Um, she actually is one of the ones that really helped me be comfortable with who I am. And when I finally came out to her, after therapy, um, she looked at her two-year-old and said, "Say Nana is a lesbian." And (laughing) my two-year-old daughter, (laughs) granddaughter said, "Nana is a esbian." (laughing)

Ridge:

Well, I'm a regular old lesbian, like everybody else who, you know, it really depends on our friends, who really depends on the community of choice. And, so that's why, when you say family, they're choices that we make. And I get to hear this all the time, especially as a Latina. You, you know, I, I hear from my family, say, "But don't talk about politics with your brothers and your sister. Don't talk about those things that are, um, you know, race and, and, because that creates conflict. And therefore, it creates conflict in the family."

Because I can't be that person because, again, I wanna see and I wanna be seen, and this is who I am, you know. And if we keep hiding and not talking about issues of race in our com- in our own families, issues of class in our own families, then uh, what's the point? How do we then show up and, and, and speak to others outside of our families about race and all these other things and empower when we can't even do it with our own family? So, the risk is losing those people. And I have chosen to risk.

Speaker 4:

When I've n-... Uh, um, I left home when I was 16, on my own, into the streets. And, so family's been to me whoever I met that I thought was family. And that feels odd too because you're never gonna be. And someone can say, "Oh, we invite you here," but you're still not really part of them, you know. So, they may say, "We welcome you here for Thanksgiving. We welcome you here," but you still don't-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 4:

... feel. It's not y-... It's not who... You know what I'm saying? And you know they're doing their best, but guess what. They're gonna favor who's theirs over you. They may not mean to. It just natural for a person to favor their family members that they know by blood. So, I-

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 4:

... I feel misfit, if, if that makes sense, but-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 4:

... I'm not the only one, though.

Speaker 25:

By meeting the Faeries I think is how I found, you know, this chosen family. When I came out a- as gay, my parents, who are very fundamentalist Christians, disowned me, and it was very, you know, painful. And my... I have a brother and sister who also disowned me, and the only one I had contact with was my older gay brother. And, um, for s-... Uh, somehow we s- eh uh, mm, lost contact with each other for a number of years and haven't been in contact. And recently just got back in contact, so he, he is now a part of my family also, which I'm very happy about.

Sharon Hayes:

How was it to be a lesbian mom?

Speaker 26:

You know, it was very difficult. And, a- at the time when I came out in 1980, my children were both in elementary school. And I knew enough to know that I had to keep my lesbian identity a secret because I did not wanna risk losing custody of my two children.

Sharon Hayes:

How did you know that that was a threat?

Speaker 26:

I knew a gay man that I used to hang around with before I came out as a lesbian, and he told me a lot of cautionary tales. And that was one of them.

Sharon Hayes:

And how old were your kids when you could stop worrying that they would be taken away?

Speaker 26:

Uh, they were almost college age.

Speaker 10:

I, I spent many years telling God, as a minister, I g-... I was kinda mad at God 'cause I said, "I got Mexican family, Black family, adopted family, and all of them threw me to the wolves. Why on Christmases, I don't get a merry Christmas, a happy birthday, happy new year, none of that?"

And then here, in the last recent years, I had to check myself because all of the chosen family that I have, I have children on four different continents, I have a husband of 19 years, you know, all of the things that I didn't have from blood family-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 10:

... and adopted family, God gave it to me freely. At my... I... At my... In my Rolodex, I can pull up and call my girlfriend, Tina Montgomery. You know, "Girl, I need this. I need that," or call one of my kids, and, "What you need, Mama? I got you." In realizing that, that let's me know I did something right.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, right.

Speaker 10:

Because-

Speaker 1:

You know? Yeah.

Speaker 10:

... my kids are willing. My kids are here. And mind you, a lot of my chosen children will do for me before they will do for their blood parents.

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, 'cause-

Sharon Hayes:

When you think backwards, what are the times of your life that you think most often about?

Speaker 18:

Most immediately, I would say, when I was 75, I was a whole lot younger than when I'm 77, as I am now. And am surprised by that, that age has caught up with me in a very fast form.

Speaker 27:

What surprises me about my life is that I can still get up in the morning and get vertical. (laughing) And (laughs) I (laughs) am... I'm always so happy about it. Um, when my mother was old, she would get up in the morning, and she would say, "Oh, shit."

And every day is a surprise. Everything is a surprise. Um, I'm surprised every breath I take that it leads into the next breath that I take, and that the days are days, and the nights are nights, and the sun comes out, and then the earth turns around and the sun goes back to the other side again. And it's always amazing.

Sharon Hayes:

What surprises you about your life at this moment?

Speaker 27:

Uh, that I'm alone.

Sharon Hayes:

You didn't expect that?

Speaker 27:

No. I should've, but I didn't. My partner died in the last two years, and, so, long-term partner, so that surprises me.

Sharon Hayes:

How do find yourself moving, eh, through the world?

Speaker 27:

As with grief is my companion, finding ways I can, eh, live a meaningful life, if not as happy a life.

Speaker 28:

I never would've thought as an out lesbian that I would be sitting out-

Speaker 1:

Uh-huh.

Speaker 28:

... like this, you know.

Sharon Hayes:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 28:

When I was kid, you couldn't... I mean, even most of my career as a faculty member, I wasn't out to my students because I was just too afraid. I wasn't the bravest person. I would be very active within the community. I went to a lotta demonstrations and things like that, but I still had a great fear of the judgment of these kids.

Sharon Hayes:

When did you lose your fear?

Speaker 28:

Um, I l-... (laughs) Actually, um, I didn't really lose my fear, in a lot of ways. I think I still have that fear. I'm not proud of that, but I think I still have that fear. It was so... The internalized homophobia, um, was so powerful growing up in the '50s and '60s, I think, in some ways, I never got over it.

Speaker 29:

I came out very late in life. And, so I'm trying to get rid of the internal homophobia. Um...

Sharon Hayes:

You came out as...

Speaker 29:

I came out as a lesbian, and when I was 68. I was a great ally, but I wouldn't recognize myself until m- I had a catalyst. I don't know if... Uh, long-term queer people don't understand when those of us late in life use the word catalyst, but catalyst refers to somebody that helped you really realize who you are. And, and then my catalyst died, so... And she was a very dear friend of mine.

Speaker 30:

What excites me about my life right now is m- my level of growth. Um, I will be 66 in about three days. Going back to the very early '70s when, at the age of 13, I made my transition, mm, until now. I'm the CEO of Unique Point of Refuge, a sober-living transitional home for trans people of color. And it's only been two years where we've had our brick-and-mortar, but I have over 15 years in the work.

Sharon Hayes:

What's important in your life right now?

Speaker 31:

Um... The most important thing in my life right now is to try to get the yard cleaned up so the next time it floods, we don't y- have all that crap all over the place. We live in a flood plain, so it's, it's like a V-shape, and we're at the bottom of the V, so all the rain comes thisaway, and we get really bad floods here that, that tank was moved a quarter of a mile down the road in the last big flood we had.

Fortunately, it's never gotten into the houses, but it's a concern of mine every time it rains is that especially with, um, climate change and all that kind of a thing. I don't feel safe because of the floods. That's a big concern of mine, and it keeps me, um, it keep... I spend a lot of time thinking about it. Uh-

Sharon Hayes:

Does it make you want to move away?

Speaker 31:

No. No, no. No, it makes me wanna clean up the yard. (laughing)

Sharon Hayes:

Do you think often about that?

Speaker 32:

I think about it all the time, yeah. I mean, in, I think in 2050, the ocean will be more plastic than fish. I laid down in front of my first nuclear power plant when I was 15 and very active in, um, politics. I was in ACT UP. I was in the Women's Liberation Front when that's what we called it. I mean, I guess everything that I fought for my whole life doesn't make sense if we don't have a place to live.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 4:

Well, I'm gonna be honest and say I have to fight hard to find something exciting-

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 4:

... exciting about my life. When I think that, a lot of times, people wanna, well, don't wanna talk about that, like the bad part, you know.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 4:

And I'm like, "Uh, Mama Lorraine, I'm from the South too, and I'm real." So, if-

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 4:

... things are sh, I'm gonna say that sh. You know what I'm saying?

So, right now, I'm not too pleased with, with the way things are going on in my life, the way things are going on in the world with the economy. I see things that people wanna turn their heads, so you know, I'm in a pu-... I'm like a political, anti-political person, you know, but I [inaudible 00:31:31]. So, right now, things are crazy insane in my life, you know.

Sharon Hayes:

What do you mean you're political and anti-political?

Speaker 4:

Well, I mean, 'cause I know that politics are BS. Okay. I know that-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:31:41].

Speaker 4:

... the system is designed to f- to fail, you know. So, voting is... That's my o- my opinion, voting is BS. Okay. So, at the same time, we have to work within that system despite how corrupt it is. But the same way that I don't agree with the binary construct with gender, I don't agree with the binary construct of a system either.

Speaker 22:

I am so glad that I know this woman right here.

Speaker 4:

Aw.

Speaker 22:

Because she has brought us, so many of us together, older ladies.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 22:

She has a program called The Diamond Girls. They're for older womens, and we... Uh, there's womens I ain't seen for 40, 20-something years because a lot of us have passed. And we all known each other from back in the days. We, we old, honey. We known each... We're old crows-

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 22:

... from the old school.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 33:

Uh, the trans Latina culture, now got some seed money to develop the Center of Excellence for elderly trans. Uh, we have seen that members of our, aging trans community are now getting the support that they need whether it's health-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:32:45].

Speaker 33:

... care or housing or even food. Um, and, so we are doing that for our communities. And, so we develop this leadership developments program for, you know, for them to learn how to participate and c- civically, right, to go to the board of supervisors and to advocate for their needs and to organize and to... I do what needs to happen.

Sharon Hayes:

What surprises you about your life right now?

Speaker 33:

At this very moment, we have become the biggest trans-led organization in the United States and possibly the world. We support our community through service provision 'cause you can't really organize people or mobilize people if people are struggling with basic things, like food or housing but we also influence change in the institutions that continue to marginalize us. And, so we do policy and, you know, just changing minds and hearts.

Sharon Hayes:

Has that work gotten harder or easier?

Speaker 33:

I don't wanna say easier, um, and I don't wanna say harder. I, I think it's just different times, right. Um, and I think it's just, um, you know, th- the hunger that people has to create the changes that need to happen, um, and so I'm just grateful that I get to be part of that change.

Sharon Hayes:

Has your relationship to, mm, an, being an activist changed as you've gotten older?

Speaker 32:

Yeah. I mean, I don't wanna get arrested, mm, right now.

Sharon Hayes:

How come?

Speaker 32:

'Cause it'd be really hard. I'm older. I'm 68-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 32:

... and, um you know, I remember being pushed to the bottom of a riot pile once in ACT UP, and I was-

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 32:

... training for my black belt in karate then, which I have. I felt very different about a lot of things I did then. You know, it wasn't such a big deal to sit locking arms for 10 hours in front of the Pentagon. I don't, mm... Your body changes and, you know, in some ways, the things that I did as a kid, I realized how privileged that was, eh, the privilege of youth, to be able to put your body in those situations.

Sharon Hayes:

Do you feel like you're more free now than you were in the past?

Speaker 34:

No. No, I don't.

Sharon Hayes:

What... In what ways are you constrained or restricted?

Speaker 34:

Uh, I'm looking at this from, from a not only, um, a queer aspect, but I'm thinking of this as a person of color that lives in this country, that struggles all the time, not only with s- sexual identity or, but wi-... I did with race as well, on a daily basis. So, um, when it comes to things like that, I, I, I don't, I don't feel g- extremely liberated, um, with queer stuff.

Depending on where you are and what you're doing, you can fold that up and stick it in your back pocket, but you can't wash your skin color off. And, um, even in queer communities or so-called gay communities, I have ran across so much racism. Wonder how one group of oppressed people can make space to oppress another (laughs) group of oppressed people. It's insane, but yeah, so I don't feel like really liberated, if you will.

Speaker 4:

I am an artist, music artist, but when I'm talking to the queer community, I always make a note to give them love, first of all, but secondly, to question, why are we so divided ourselves? Because we always be out here marching for, for the mainstream world to accept us, but we have a problem with accepting each other.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 4:

I have heard-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 4:

... uh, within every acronym, LGBTQ-extended complain about people within their acronym. You know, I've heard lesbians say, "Oh, I don't... Ew, butch? Ew," you know, whatever. In the trans community, "Ooh, she's not passable. Ooh, she..." It's gay men, the twinks versus the muscle bears versus the big bear versus this bear and that bear. You know what I'm saying? You know. I don't understand how we expect to come against the people who are coming against us when we're divided ourselves.

Sharon Hayes:

And are things better or worse now?

Speaker 22:

Now, for a lotta these young people, I don't know. This generation is so different than it was for us. What I hope that will happen and I will live to see in the years to come is that our people will walk the streets and no one bothers them or try to kill them because I think every- everyone has the right to walk down the streets, no matter who you are.

Sharon Hayes:

Do you feel free? Uh-

Speaker 22:

Oh, I do. (laughs) Because I've been in this life for so long. So, to me, yes, I do feel free.

Sharon Hayes:

How about you?

Sharida:

I feel free in my body. I feel free to be, but basically I don't feel safe, um, so I don't move the way I would really like to. Like, I feel like I have to be in the house by 10:00, even if I wanna do something later. So, I don't move the way I used to move as the younger Sharida.

Sharon Hayes:

Is that because the world's changed or because you've changed?

Sharida:

Uh, definitely the world has changed. The behaviors have changed. It's re-... It feels complexed. Um, I just feel like I have to do a lot of meditation just to understand, um, some of my close friends and, and friends that I haven't seen, just the way... and myself, and the way that w-... I feel like we think differently, we move differently, we're very sensitive, and we might not always be as honest. And we don't know what we, each other are feeling. We hold it. You know, we we don't talk about it, if we're in pain, if we need things.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Sharida:

Um, and I think that's important. I think that we are a village. And if we're open and honest with it, that the help will be there.

Sharon Hayes:

And how about you? Do you feel less safe?

Speaker 7:

Uh, actually, yes. Y- I do. Um, recently over the last five to six years, the rise of hate in the LGBT community, and particularly in the Black community against Black folks has really been, you know, kind of what I see happening out there. So, yeah, I do feel less safe.

Sharon Hayes:

Where do you feel most safe?

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 7:

Ooh. Probably right in my house, (laughs)-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 7:

... um, you know, where I can close the door and just shut out-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 7:

... the rest of the world.

Sharon Hayes:

Where do you feel safe?

Speaker 22:

Home. That's where I feel safe, at home or maybe over at a friend's house or family.

Speaker 36:

I travel to Indonesia every year. And I have to say that I... It's amazing to move safe when... I, I feel-

Speaker 22:

Of course.

Speaker 36:

... safe there.

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 36:

Uh, you know what I mean? Like, I feel my shoulders go down, and that is euphoric because there's nothing like feeling safe. There are times in my life that, um, that I make sure that I'm in those places because it's not good for the nervous system to always feel fear.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Sharon Hayes:

Is your life now how you imagined it when you were young?

Speaker 27:

Absolutely not.

Sharon Hayes:

In what way?

Speaker 27:

(laughs) I never imagined when I was young that I would be a lesbian, which I've been since 1980, when I came out. Uh, I never imagined I'd wind up living in Tennessee. I never imagined I'd wind up living in a retirement community. Really everything that my life is nothing that I would've ever imagined.

Sharon Hayes:

How about you?

Speaker 42:

Um, in one way, it is, which is my family of choice that this community, um, people I've known for decades, um, I'm single. I think I'm a terminal bachelor, and I don't feel alone. I don't feel afraid. I know that I can always reach out. And that is what I hoped.

But I tell you, I... When I was younger, I kinda thought that when we reach this stage of life, we would all, we would be done. We'd do, like, sitting around, "Oh, do you remember the revolution and (laughing) mm, how bad it used-

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 42:

... to be?" (laughing) And now, you know, it's... Hey.

Sharon Hayes:

Are things better or worse?

Speaker 43:

Better and worse. I mean, we can now get married. We can adopt. We can get a divorce. Our spouses can get our b- social security benefits. And worse books are being taken out of libraries, in Florida, can't say (laughs) gay.

Sharon Hayes:

What do you think?

Speaker 44:

Huh, I think the more things change, the more they remain the same. As a community, we are under attack. They don't like the way we live. They don't like the fact that we're not hiding in closets. They wanna... They don't wanna pay for HIV, um, prevention funds. Like, Tennessee and Texas have cut off HIV prevention funding. It's really frightening.

Sharon Hayes:

Well, let's hear from you. What do you think?

Speaker 11:

There are more people out, and you can't unknow people. And it wasn't that long ago that you couldn't think of many people who were out, who were of a certain race, or from a certain part of the world. Or, you know, in Korea, where my family is from, people would say, "Well, Koreans aren't gay," and that's something that, in my... earlier in my life, people would say. They can't say that now. It's... It can't be blamed on the (laughs) West. No. More people are out.

More books are written. They're being banned. Uh they have already been written and publshed. They exist in... They exist to be banned.

Sharon Hayes:

Do you think things are better or worse than when you were young?

Speaker 45:

Individually, personally, I think I'm better. Uh, my first relationship was when I was 13, and I'm 64. So... And it was with a woman, a young lady. So, I've always known, but it's just the fact that now I, I don't have to hide it. And where I used to live, I had to hide it.

Speaker 46:

And because of my profession, I, I n- was never able to be very out, and same with my partner. I was always paranoid about what would happen. I was a child psychologist, and in Brentwood, Tennessee, it just, it's just not compatible with being gay and being able to see children.

So, after we both retired, it was much easier to come out and join PFLAG and be part of the community. And now it feels, to me, like it's scarier again. So, that the bumper stickers I had on my car for PFLAG and equality, I got rear-ended. Now I have a new bumper. Do I put those stickers back on or not?

Sharon Hayes:

How do you feel about the current moment?

Speaker 6:

I don't feel good about it at all. I'm very apprehensive about the way this country is going, and I'm more apprehensive about that than I am about just about anything else. I think that's gonna be the problem for the future. Uh, this, this whole, mm, improbable rise in the possibility of totalitarianism and-

Sharon Hayes:

Mm, mm-hmm.

Speaker 6:

... and, and fascism that could be apparent, i- i- it just boggles the mind.

Speaker 46:

So, we keep going backwards.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 46:

We thought we were okay, that uh, nothing would happen to us because, you know, these laws were already passed. And then you get a new Supreme Court and says they don't wanna have anything to do with it, and they just throw it out. And, mm, now every day is a battle to be a woman-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 46:

... to be... just to breathe.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Sharon Hayes:

Is that more devastating for your generation than for younger generations?

Speaker 47:

I mean, I'm somebody who started being an activist in high school and never stopped, right. So, it's a kind of a shock to realize that succeeding generations blame us for Reagan and everything that Reagan... everything that follows from Reagan.

Our role in this group is an activist role. (laughs)

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:44:45].

Speaker 47:

We have done nothing but positive input.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely.

Speaker 47:

Right?

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Yeah.

Speaker 47:

Positive into, into our society in order to improve-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:44:53].

Speaker 47:

... something. How many of us in here would say we are servants?

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 47:

And we carry that with pride. We are servants. And, so, if we are servant, no, (laughs) I am not gonna own up to a society that has set me up and has set up my community, and my partner's, to fail. We don't wanna take away from like, "Oh, [foreign language 00:45:15]," you know, or, "Poor baby," like, "Oh, it was hard." No, no, no, it's hard today. George Floyd was just the other day.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 47:

And that shit was just live, but that happens every second of every day.

Speaker 22:

Our w- worst enemies are the police because they've-

Speaker 47:

That's right.

Speaker 22:

... been killing us for many years ago.

Speaker 47:

And-

Speaker 22:

They don't solve our murders.

Speaker 47:

... more than today than in the last 50 years.

Speaker 22:

They don't even look who we are 'cause they always put us in the back burner.

Speaker 47:

That's true.

Speaker 22:

I see those rich people on those TV shows. They get solved quick, but we never get solved. That's one, whatever they call us.

Speaker 47:

Throwaway.

Speaker 22:

Throwaway. 'Cause that's... I've heard it with my own ears.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 47:

Oh, yeah.

Speaker 22:

And I have experienced it. And from this, nothing has change. They're still doing it.

Speaker 48:

I mean, I think it's important for us to understand how institution of violence translates int-

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 48:

... into interpersonal violence, right. And how also some of us participate on that. We need to be conscientious, right-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 48:

... of our actions. We need to be conscientious about how we speak to people, how about how we greet people-

Speaker 1:

Uh-huh.

Speaker 48:

... right, about, um, how we relate to one another. My work is intergenerational, interm- uh, multidimensional. Um, we believe that the work that's gonna happen just from the bottom up for, or from the top down, that work needs to be done in every way that we can in order to transform the culture.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Sharon Hayes:

Tennessee has had some particularly strict kind of laws come down in the, I guess since 2015. Uh, has that impacted on your life?

Speaker 49:

Yes. You know, I don't... I... Y- you do what you can to, to try to counteract, so women's caucus, trying to get women elected has been something I've been doing, going to those meetings. Anything to b- counteract it. B- I can't be passive about it.

Sharon Hayes:

Did it feel like what's happening now in the legislature kinda called you back to action?

Speaker 49:

Oh, yes, most definitely, because we get complacent. You know, we got to a really good place with women's rights and gay rights, and we get complacent, and we don't forge ahead as much as maybe we could've. And then, when you see 'em chipping away with our rights, i- the reaction comes about, the, the p-... Being a feminist comes about. It's like, "No, we can't have this happen again. Please, don't let this happen." And if I don't do something, how can I face myself?

Speaker 50:

I, I have felt called to action. And Peggy and I both, you know, b- became much more activist and participated in, in different marches and groups. And now whenever I have the opportunity to say, "I'm a lesbian," even if it's just on a form, and it says it's optional, I put lesbian-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 50:

... because I feel committed to making that statement so that more people will become aware and be educated. And s- we are everywhere. Uh, and, you know, if I had the wherewithal, I might move out of Tennessee.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 50:

I mean, it's so bad. It really eats away at me. So...

Sharon Hayes:

Where would you go?

Speaker 50:

Um, to Norway, Sweden. I don't... (laughing) Some place very far away. (laughing)

Sharon Hayes:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 50:

But I'm not gonna move. I don't... I mean, I've got too many roots he-... You know, I've lived here for many, many years.

Speaker 51:

The community activism I do is a matter of helping people get the things that they need to get without going through the, whatever is considered a proper channel.

Sharon Hayes:

And do you think it's harder or easier to work around them now?

Speaker 51:

I think, in some ways, it's easier because there are resources if they can be found. And in, I think, in, in a lot of ways, it's easier because they're so in their own little bubbles that they don't see what a lot of us are doing to get what we need. And as long as we don't antagonize them, we're doing fine, but I think we have to be very careful not to antagonize them.

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Sharon Hayes:

Do you think things are better or worse?

Speaker 2:

I think things are worse. Uh, I wanted to be able to c- come out and be free. It took me so long, I just wanna be me.

Sharon Hayes:

Do you feel celebrated for being a lesbian?

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm, yeah.

Speaker 2:

No.

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 2:

Um, no. No. (laughing)

Speaker 1:

Let me think. No. (laughing)

Speaker 2:

I... I celebrate myself. I feel celebrated within myself when I finally stood there and said "You know, I am lesbian." I felt like I had put, mm, the, the vase of my life back together, that there were lots of cracks. I felt whole for the first time in my whole life. Um, and to feel that at age 68 was, was fantastic, but then I walk outside the door, and I don't feel whole.

Sharon Hayes:

And how about for you? Are these laws encroaching on your life?

Speaker 52:

Oh, definitely. Um, I go out all the time. Well, not necessarily in a dress like this, but very, you know, flowy. I- it's a... It's basically a dress, but, you know, if anybody asks me, I could just say, "It's a long shirt," or something like that. And, mm, mm, you know, my housemate's like, now you can get arrested for that. And I'm like, "Well, if I'm gonna get arrested for that, I'm gonna get arrested for it."

Sharon Hayes:

Is it easier as a performer now than it used to be?

Speaker 53:

No. No, it's not because, um, the performer back in the days, that we had more, um, clubs, communities as old, the lesbian community, the ones who owned those lesbians, I love working for them. I did a lotta DJing.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 53:

For the Latino community we didn't have nowhere to go to. There was only one club. It was called El Bravo. It was at 5th and Venango, and that was the only place that gay young men and women were able to go because there was a fear of the families knowing where they were going, and they hadn't come out to the families yet. So, that was the only place that they felt comfortable. And then when I started Djing downtown, which was '90s, in the, during the '90s, late '80s, '90s, that's when a lotta them really started coming out, feeling more comfortable with themselves.

Sharon Hayes:

Were the clubs important to you?

Speaker 7:

Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:51:45].

Speaker 7:

I was a club kid back in the day.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:51:48].

Speaker 7:

And...

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 7:

... I would say it's interesting. I don't know if a lotta people know this, but even outside of Center City, like in West Philly, North Philly-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 7:

... Germantown, there were clubs back then.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 7:

You didn't have to travel downtown just to do stuff. So, those are long gone, but yeah, I was definitely in and outta the clubs a lot.

Sharon Hayes:

And what were the club... What did they mean to you? What did... What was it about?

Speaker 7:

Well, it's, it was community. It was back to community. You felt comfortable there. You could go in and you could just, you kiss another guy and nobody would say anything. You know, you could act a fool and carry on and twist and twirl and all of that kinda stuff without-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:52:23].

Speaker 7:

... being judged.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Slow drag with a man.

Speaker 7:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 7:

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

(laughs) [inaudible 00:52:28].

Speaker 7:

But you [inaudible 00:52:28], uh... It also was an information hub 'cause-

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 7:

... a lotta times, like back in the AIDS period, people would come in and do presentations at the bar-

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 7:

... because they knew that's they had an audience-

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 7:

... there.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 7:

So, you would get condoms and information, safeguards. I remember my good Chris Bartlett would come into the bars and say, "Okay, guys," you know, would talk to you for five minutes, you know, things like that, so, and you know, registering to vote. I mean, a lotta stuff would happen in the clubs besides, you know, drinking and carrying on.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 54:

Um uh, the clubs, or in our days, the discos-

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 54:

... were a greaet place to feel safe 'cause-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:53:03].

Speaker 54:

... we could all dance with each other. On the other hand, as Jose said, the the conflicting thing about discos or clubs (laughs) is that, as men of color, we didn't quite feel accepted or beautiful by the white standards.

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 54:

So, there's, uh... So, there's that. (laughs) We wanna go there 'cause we feel comfortable, but we don't quite feel... or I didn't quite feel comfortable. So, my, my support was a group suppo- like support groups for Asian men, you know. But I, I, I, I feel what you're saying about going in and wondering if I'm gonna be accepted. I think [inaudible 00:53:36] was the same way.

Speaker 1:

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Speaker 54:

Like, you know, carding people-

Speaker 1:

Yep.

Speaker 54:

... that they were of color, like, "Well, we have our, we have our quota for tonight."

Speaker 1:

Hmm, okay.

Speaker 54:

"You, you can't get in."

Speaker 6:

But the thing was, in, in that time, there were Black gay bars-

Speaker 1:

That's right.

[inaudible 00:53:51].

Speaker 6:

... that we could go to.

Speaker 1:

E- exactly.

Speaker 6:

And there were many of them.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 6:

And, so it wasn't like it was that much of a dearth because, well, you couldn't get in here, it didn't matter. Just go on over to-

Speaker 1:

Tom.

Speaker 6:

... the Smart place or go-

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's it. Yeah.

Speaker 6:

... Pantoni's or go to, um, the... any of numbers of other places, or up-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:54:09].

Speaker 6:

... up in Germantown to the Swan Club-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:54:11].

Speaker 6:

... or to an- any of those other places.

Speaker 30:

But, but that was a, that was an issue too because, put it this way, the men had clubs to go to, the women had clubs to go to.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 30:

As a trans woman-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 30:

... I had nowhere to go to.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm, right.

Speaker 30:

My first time actually getting in Smarts was w- I was 20-something years old. Once I turned 21, you couldn't tell me nothing. I can go to Philad-... I'm from Chester, little teeny, rinky-dink town-

Speaker 1:

Oh, yeah.

Speaker 30:

... but you couldn't tell me nothing. Now I can get on and accept a train. I can get to Philly, and I can get in the club. I'm 21 years old, but because I had not transitioned, I was still looking as the boy, but I looked so much like a female without anything done, if I went to the men's club, I was turned away 'cause I looked to feminine. If I went to the women's club, I was turned away 'cause I was still a boy.

So, either way, the trans w- trans individuals or questioning individuals-

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 30:

... didn't have anywhere to party. We were the ones that would stand out in front of Smart's-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 30:

... and Star's-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 30:

... and Allegro's-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 30:

... and, and, all, and all, of Sisters and all of those, and wait for people to come in and out to interact. And we were the ones standing out there w-... You know, now we're in our club, we could, "Yes, Ms. Thing. How you doing, girl?"

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:55:26].

Speaker 30:

But we did that on the outside, while y'all did that on the inside.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 25:

Well, ever since I can remember, um, I've been being called a girl, like, the way I carry my books in school, like they would say, "You carry your books like a girl," 'cause I carried my books like this, and I guess boys are supposed to carry their books down, like that. Oh, and also, I threw like a girl.

I think the Radical Faeries, like embraced me for, like, being that girl, and then, like, my community m- m- made it okay for me to identify as a girl. And like now, most people, like, will call me she and her, and like, that feels really great, and that's like, you know, a part of my sexuality.

Sharon Hayes:

And how do you identify?

Speaker 25:

I would say I'm a Radical Faerie.

Speaker 56:

I am a stroke survivor. I had a serious stroke because I was so upset about my gender. And I felt more boy than girl, but I'm also a shaman, so I couldn't go under the knife and feel comfortable, and I ended up having the serious stroke. I couldn't walk. I could barely talk. I could not control the right side of my body. I healed myself. I signed myself out, and I rode out in a wheelchair, and I taught myself to walk again, s- little steps at a time, and I used my herbs and my Ayurvedic and my holistic, um, means of healing myself. I, I am sitting here a miracle.

Speaker 33:

Even though gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things, I think they're also have a common... Uh, they, they have a commonality, right. And I think is their fluidity, right.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 33:

Because sexuality is fluid, right. I think as we learn who we are as people, we learn about our sexuality, right, what is what we like and what we don't like...

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:57:43].

Speaker 33:

... and what is pleasurable and what is not pleasurable, right.

Um, and I think same with gender, right. There's binary, right, that is a social construct that has influenced the way we think. Um, also, you know, queer people have been put in this box, right to say that, you know, basically queer people are, are defined by, you know, the sex, right, like that's-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 33:

Like, sex is attached-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 33:

... to who we are.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 33:

Right, that we're like freaks or all of that, right. But in reality is that we are... When we are who we are, we are liberated people.

Andrea:

Being older now, my gender and my age, I'm learning that in my youth, I was so busy trying to prove to the world that I was this woman that I was forgetting who I was.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Andrea:

You know, my name is Andrea. Okay, I'm a trans woman, but I am Andrea, regardless. And then my gender and who I sleep with has nothing to do with the other. Nothing.

My husband has been... My husband, Douglas, has been my man for 19 years, and come January will make 20. And whether I have a penis or not has nothing to do with him being in the same bed with me for 19 years.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Andrea:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh.

Andrea:

Our bank account has nothing to do with the sex we have. Our bank account has nothing to do with whether I consider myself as a woman of trans experience, a drag queen, a butch queen-

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

[inaudible 00:59:26].

Andrea:

...a whatever have you queen-

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Andrea:

... it makes no difference.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:59:30].

Andrea:

And people are putting too much stock-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Andrea:

... on gender, pronouns-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 00:59:35].

Andrea:

... and all of this d- uh, duh... how you say political correctness and stuff. Child, please. Child, please. You, you are who you are-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Andrea:

... and who you are does not necessarily have a name. 'Cause how about this. Until you know who you are, the world will never know who you are.

Speaker 58:

When young people say, you know, "I'm gender-nonconforming. Please, refer to me as they," that's the way they're expressing themselves, so, oh I wanna respect that. And just because we, in our generation, were not able to say they...

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:00:09].

Speaker 58:

... this generation can, and let's applaud them for that.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

I, I think that they have gr- and groundbreaking, I think that they built on all of these conflicts that we had about what's male, female, butch, femme how to be a lesbian, how to be queer, how to be a gay man, I suppose. Um, but they have really sort of broken things open. I-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

... get confused sometimes, um, and-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

... I don't-

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

... necessarily agree with everything, but I think their challenges to gender and gender roles, I think, is very exciting.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

And we-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:00:42].

Speaker 2:

... owe a lot to them.

Speaker 59:

I like younger people around me because I learn a lot from them. E- I mean, especially in the queer community, they really want gay elders.

Sharon Hayes:

Do you think they see you?

Speaker 59:

Me? Uh, oh, yeah. Well, I'm Dr. Cartier to most of 'em. They, (laughs)

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:01:01]. (laughs)

Speaker 59:

... they have to see me. (laughs) I mean, I'm their professor.

Speaker 60:

Sometimes I feel invisible. We had a table at Pride, Gay- Queer Pride last year. I felt completely invisible, completely invisible. Um, I didn't have the coins of the realm, youth or beauty, you know, fierce body, so... I was the old queen sitting at the table. (laughs)

Speaker 2:

I wish I knew more younger people.

Sharon Hayes:

Mm-hmm. Is that harder to do, harder to meet them?

Speaker 2:

Yes, it is.

Sharon Hayes:

How come?

Speaker 2:

I mean, I have no idea where to go to meet younger people.

Speaker 61:

I feel seen because I'm loud.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 61:

I, I like the younger generation, and I respect what they do, and I respect their language, and I respect their identity, even if I don't understand much of it. And I do feel seen, but I don't know if I feel that able to be open about what I feel is happening with the invisiblization of women.

Speaker 62:

I feel a connection with the younger generation. It's like a lot of them come up and and they thank me. They say they're standing on my shoulders. And I'm standing on somebody else's shoulders. And I tell them that, in a few decades or a couple, some younger person then is gonna come up to them, when they're older, and thank them. And that's how we get somewhere. We build on each other's shoulders.

Sharon Hayes:

And do you feel like they're more, um, free than you were able to be at their age?

Speaker 62:

Definitely. Uh, without a, without a doubt. One of the things they wanna talk about is how was it when I was growing up. And when I explain to 'em the secrecy and all the stuff, you can see that they can't really get that. They can't really understand police coming into a bar to arrest you. They can't get there.

Speaker 60:

But it's not surprising the one thing that the youth miss is a sense of history, which is not surprising. Because a lot of them don't have the experience that maybe this gentleman and I might have, like when I was going to the clubs in Nashville, Tennessee, when I was in sc- college in the '80s. Um, um, the, uh... I- i- i- i- i- it was... You, you were happy that you could get to the club without the police with Metro not stopping you.

Speaker 63:

I lived in Arkansas, and the club that I went to, you know, we all knew it was, it was a gay club, but we have the guys and the girls. And when a certain song came on, you knew to turn around. If you, you're dancing with a woman, you turned around and you got with a guy because the cops would come, were coming.

Sharon Hayes:

The song was the signal?

Speaker 63:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1:

Wow.

Speaker 63:

Where I was, uh-huh.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 64:

I came out in Miami Beach in the '50s, 1950s. And I was very fortunate because we had a huge gay and lesbian community in South Florida at that time, and we were very supportive of each other. And it was also against the law, and we could be arrested and incarcerated in prison or in a mental hospital for the crime of loving who we loved. So, on the one hand, it was terribly dangerous and very scary, and on the other hand, we did have this wonderful supportive community.

Speaker 65:

I was in the first Pride Parade in 1970. And I remember, um, the m- the reaction was mixed from the, the spectators. S- some were really liked us, and others hated us. And there was a guy standing on the side. He was throwing full beer cans-

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 65:

... at us, [inaudible 01:04:46]. One came by and almost hit me in the face, sliced my face, and it exploded at my feet. And what we did, we just all locked arms and kept marching. I'll never forget that. We just locked arms and kept marching. To hell with the the, the beer can grenades.

Sharon Hayes:

Did you have a role model?

Speaker 11:

In the 1980s, I tried to write a college paper about Asian lesbians that was supposed to be 20 pages long. I went everywhere for sources, and I found... I couldn't have filled a two-page paper.

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 11:

At that time, um, it was possible to watch every single lesbian representation on American network TV. It was possible to watch every single time/ It had m- been mentioned even e- in the worst ways.

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 11:

And I thought, "Okay, every time they want people to show up and be a face for representation, I better show up, 'cause if I don't, then there's not gonna be any Asians."

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 11:

I don't know. I haven't done anything. I'm not important, but I'll show my face. And it was a very conscious building up of role models and very consciously looking for role models in other models in other communities because all resistance is the same.

Sharon Hayes:

Do you think of yourself as an elder?

Speaker 66:

I do not think of myself as an elder. You know, when [inaudible 01:06:23] they were first using the term, um, senior citizen-

Sharon Hayes:

Mm.

Speaker 66:

... it just was like one of these sort of made up kind of expressions. I never have identified as a senior citizen. In France, many of us in this age group are considered third... It's called the third age.

Sharon Hayes:

Hmm.

Speaker 66:

I don't know how to say it in French with a very good French accent, but I know other countries use third act or third age.

Speaker 1:

In Spanish, you do that.

Speaker 66:

In Spanish.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 66:

That? Okay.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:06:50].

[inaudible 01:06:50].

Sharon Hayes:

What's the, what's the word in Spanish?

Speaker 1:

[foreign language 01:06:52].

[inaudible 01:06:52], mm-hmm.

Speaker 66:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:06:52].

Yeah.

Speaker 66:

[foreign language 01:06:52].

Speaker 1:

The third age.

Speaker 66:

[foreign language 01:06:55].

Sharon Hayes:

Do you consider yourself an elder?

Speaker 33:

I I consider myself a seasoned person because I have had the opportunity to surpass the expectancy of the livelihood of trans woman, which is 35 years old. Um, I consider myself very lucky that I got to surpass that, and now I want to live as long as I can, um, so that I can continue to do what I love, which is serving my people.

Sharon Hayes:

What does that word seasoned mean?

Speaker 33:

[foreign language 01:07:40].

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 33:

Uh-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:07:43].

Speaker 33:

... I don- c-... (laughs) Seasoned is like when you put, you know, the seasons to the meats, right. Like, I'm the meat. (laughing) I'm seasoned. (laughing) Come and take-

Speaker 1:

Oh, my god.

Speaker 33:

... some of this meat.

Speaker 1:

Oh.

Speaker 33:

You know? (laughing)

Speaker 30:

I'm proud that I, that I got to be old and beautiful because Raquel Welch is the glamore woman.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 30:

And I age very well. I call myself antique. I-

Speaker 1:

Uh.

Speaker 30:

... vig-... I value my looks because I work on myself. I keep up my age. And I love the senior citizen discounts, but (laughing) I'm not ashamed-

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 30:

... I'm not ashamed for making it-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:08:20].

Speaker 30:

... to be old. I'm proud to say that I'm 80-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 30:

... to look the way I look.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 30:

Because if I was looking pitiful, I wouldn't be saying it.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 30:

Then I won't come out. Yeah, I-

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 30:

... wouldn't be here sitting with y'all.

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 67:

I- it took me a while. It took me a while to embrace the word elder. It took me a while to get used to the fact that the face I see in the mirror isn't necessarily the face I expected.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:08:41].

Speaker 67:

(laughs) Interesting-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:08:43].

Speaker 67:

... things have happened to my body recently, but-

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 67:

... you know what? Um, but I'm realizing I have w- what to teach. I've seen some things.

Speaker 68:

For me, I'm adapting to this word elder. Like when you said, "Oh-

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 68:

... the elders," I'm like, "Oh, do I fit into that?" You know, like, "Okay, great." (laughs) Like "Oh, shit. I fit into that." (laughing) It was more like that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, [inaudible 01:09:05].

Speaker 68:

Um-

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 68:

But-

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 68:

... it, for me, it, it, it's very warming, so I like it, from m- m- my culture, um, you know, it, it's about knowledge and experience and being wise and being able to, to provide support and be the, a pillar and all of these things that are positive. There's nothing negative about that and-

Speaker 10:

I too use the term seasoned, um, because the elder don't work for me. Elder sometimes I think is identified as old, o- old. Um, so that, that senior citizen, same thing, so seasoned.

Sharon Hayes:

Do you think of yourself as a trailblazer?

Speaker 10:

Not now, (laughs) but I did at one point.

Sharon Hayes:

What changed?

Speaker 5:

Getting older starting to experience the limitations that come with getting older, the more ways that the body breaks down all contribute to making me feel le- less with it.

Sharon Hayes:

Do you feel like a trailblazer?

Speaker 69:

Hmm. Hmm. That's hard for me to say. I, hmm... I, hmm, I can't answer that, really can't.

Speaker 2:

A trailblazer? (laughing) What does that mean?

Speaker 11:

Yes, I do consider myself a trailblazer.

Sharon Hayes:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 11:

I and two friends, um, opened a feminist bookstore, which we operated and managed for 27 years, in West Los Angeles. Every day of my life, I got to, like, really live my particular way of being at the beginning of what we consider a true feminist revolution. I still consider myself a very proud feminist.

Speaker 5:

Y- in fact going back, I would correct what I said. Yes. I mean, I's, I would acknowledge that I did cut a path, that I did trailblaze but I'm feeling less, in the moment, of that.

Sharon Hayes:

Did you feel like a trailblazer?

Speaker 6:

I feel like a survivor.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 6:

I certainly have made it this far.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:11:23].

Speaker 6:

I know a whole lotta people that didn't. And I think there's a responsibility that goes along with that, um, as a survivor-

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 6:

... to continue to go on and be strong and do what you have to do to-

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 6:

... stand up.

Speaker 33:

People call me an activist. People have call me a trailblazer, but I consider myself to be a servant to the people.

Speaker 30:

I believe that it is my duty, um, is to give back. I mean, how do you go and get saved and save yourself, and then don't look o- over, back over your shoulder towards these younger generations. In my generation, most trans women, um, were taught to be escorts, prostitutes and showgirls, and that was it. Find you a sugar daddy, a trick. Uh, i- it's that was it. Um, they didn't tell us about banking and savings and purchasing your own home a- a- and saving for that f- I mean, for that W-2 and your 501(c), you know, all the things that you need, that they, that, no- none of that was there. And, so those of us that are here, now have an-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:12:43].

Speaker 30:

... obligation to look back and do something to help the next generation.

Caroline Weathers:

I've never been an age. I'm just Caroline Weathers. You know, I'm not an age. I'm turning 84-

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Caroline Weathers:

... next month.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:12:55].

Caroline Weathers:

Uh, hey.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

Caroline Weathers:

I walk two miles a day.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

Caroline Weathers:

I do all these-

Speaker 1:

Uh.

Caroline Weathers:

... things right, but I believe you have to throw some sin in, if you wanna live a proper life.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

[inaudible 01:13:06].

Caroline Weathers:

Wanna live a balanced life, you know, good things and sin. Good things-

Speaker 1:

Uh-huh.

Caroline Weathers:

... and sin, it's important.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

[inaudible 01:13:11].

Caroline Weathers:

Uh-

Speaker 1:

Sin. (laughing)

[inaudible 01:13:12].

[inaudible 01:13:12].

Caroline Weathers:

Wine and Sni-

Speaker 1:

I can't believe you're calling it sin. (laughs)

Caroline Weathers:

Doing things-

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's right.

Caroline Weathers:

... and then-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:13:13] preacher.

Caroline Weathers:

... then wine and Snickers.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:13:16].

Caroline Weathers:

Wine and-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:13:16].

Caroline Weathers:

... Snickers-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:13:17] wine.

Caroline Weathers:

... and good stuff and walk.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:13:19] sin.

[inaudible 01:13:20].

Caroline Weathers:

Wine and Snickers.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Caroline Weathers:

Good things and walks. I said I've never felt like if-... I'm just not a, any particular age. But now that I'm about to turn 84, for the first time, I'm thinking, "OH, my-

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

(laughs)

I [inaudible 01:13:31].

Caroline Weathers:

... god." In six years, I'm gonna be 90.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

[inaudible 01:13:36].

Caroline Weathers:

Ah.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

[inaudible 01:13:37].

Caroline Weathers:

And think, "Oh, my god. There's still so much left to do. I'm not gonna be able to finish it." (laughing)

Sharon Hayes:

If you could anything you want in terms of how you are living right now, what, what would that be?

Speaker 5:

More or less being s- living in the retirement community. (laughing)

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:13:56].

Sharon Hayes:

What do you want for your future? (laughing)

Speaker 18:

To get my hoarding under control. (laughing)

Speaker 1:

Really good ans-

Speaker 18:

I a-

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I can't wait to tell everybody you said that.

Speaker 18:

I ask for the impossible. (laughing)

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:14:18] people.

Speaker 13:

At my age, I don't want for too much at this point in my life, you know. Whatever struggles I uh, felt I had, most of 'em are gone now, really. I'm pretty much at peace with who I am now, and I'm very blessed in where I live and, and the people that I have.

Speaker 19:

I am caretaking a couple of family members. So, it's hard to look past, mm, mm, mm, you know, what, what's my life gonna be like when they're gone. Um, and I'm not really dreaming about what that's gonna look like. I'm just letting that unfold.

Speaker 7:

No idea. I have no idea. I don't. I have no idea where I wanted to live. I, I, I wanna... I, I don't want to stay where I am, but I don't know. I love being in Center City many, many years, for 15 years, but things have changed so dramatically in the years since I've been.

Sharon Hayes:

If you could decide what you would want, what would it be?

Speaker 7:

Probably San Diego. I love San Diego. I can't afford to live in San Diego, but that's where I love to be.

Sharon Hayes:

How about you?

Speaker 6:

I love where I live. I'm a native Germantowner. I wanna stay there. Very happy there. I have a beautiful home there, and I'm gonna stay there as long as I possibly can.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 6:

Till they probably have to wheel me downstairs, and I'll, I'll live in my dining room. (laughing)

Speaker 18:

Oh, I just thought of one place I wanna be, Montreal. That's where I met my first lo- my first lover, for f- four years. And I've always had good... I ha-... It was a good experience all the way around.

Speaker 22:

Thank God I'm still good 'cause I'm still working at 71. I'm 71.

Speaker 1:

Wow.

Speaker 22:

So, um, yeah.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:15:55].

Speaker 22:

And I, I'm still working. I work with youth. I work youth at risk.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:15:58].

Sharon Hayes:

And do you wanna keep working?

Speaker 22:

Only until April.

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

[inaudible 01:16:03].

Speaker 22:

I'm done. I'm done.

Sharon Hayes:

You're gonna retire in April?

Speaker 22:

Yes, I am. Yes, I am.

Sharon Hayes:

And what are you looking forward to?

Speaker 22:

Well, I'm gonna give them some days. I'm gonna volunteer. I'll probably do some stuff with Sharida.

Speaker 1:

(laughs)

Speaker 22:

And, um, I wanna travel. So, I love Puerto Rico. I love the island, and I'm... I have friends there, and I'll probably go over there and stay like maybe a month or two. And just like, I wanna go to Costa Rica. I would like to go to a couple of places.

Speaker 71:

I teach immigration law and refugee law, and I'd love to retire, (laughs) but I don't think I can yet because I wanna make sure that there's a pipeline of young immigration lawyers, young refugee lawyers who can people.

Speaker 72:

What I want for my future is not to have to worry about the lights being off, not to worry about bills not being paid, not to worry about my retirement because of the way things are going, and they're cutting back and letting people go, and COVID, and this and that.

Speaker 16:

I'm living my dream. Everything I've ever dreamed of as a, as a young person, um, through the struggles you will, if you wanna call them, or contrasts, everything's come 'cause is coming. I can't even say it's come to fruition, like it's com- complete or done, but it's, it's, it's here. I, I dreamt up this beautiful woman here, um, a life of my own that I chose how I created, how whatever is I wanna do. I don't have one career path. I have had many career paths. Um, I want to be happy and play with my dogs and, um, be at home and, and do my work. I wanna be in the community, and I wanna ride my motorcycle, if someone needs me that I wanna be there, my dream.

Speaker 2:

For the first time, I'm very happy. I can honestly say I'm a happy person. It took me years to be happy. Uh, I... Last year was a bad year for me, and I always felt like, you know, nobody cared f- who I was. And people... I was sick, and people really did go out of their way to make sure that I was okay. Now, I have a lotta energy to go forth and fight the cause.

Sharon Hayes:

Let's hear from you.

Speaker 11:

For my future, it's I want us to take control of the House of Representatives and the Senate.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 11:

I want, um, Democratic-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 11:

... president.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:18:21].

Speaker 11:

And I want-

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:18:22].

Speaker 11:

... young people to vote.

Speaker 8:

For my future, I think I'll be very happy being dead. (laughing)

Speaker 16:

You know, one of the things that, um, has been really hard over the last few years is some of the older lesbians, like in New York, like you know, some of the older leb- uh, lesbians in L.A. that are passed away-

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 16:

There were many, many of our friends who have been in the cause forever, fighting and fighting, barely making any money, you know. As they get old and sick, we're having to fundraise to help 'em out because they have no money. They have no support.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible 01:19:00], yeah.

Speaker 16:

And, so it's really this community fundraising tha- uh, d- I've been doing that for the last 10 years for friends that are like sick and dying. And then we're just fundraising.

Speaker 73:

It really can break a community or breaks a lot of ties when one person dies.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 73:

Or when people move away because they can't afford to stay in L.A. or because they have health needs and have to move to, um, certain kinds of accommodations or something like that.

Sharon Hayes:

And what do you want for your future?

Speaker 30:

For my future, I really want for the children, for what she's doing and what she's doing, and the organizations to keep up because we didn't have this back in the days. We didn't have organizations.

For me, I'm already lived a good life.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 30:

And I'm still here, and I'll, uh... Long as I'm alive, I'm gonna continue doing what I can.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Speaker 30:

Now, when I'm gone, it's a different ballgame. (laughing)

Speaker 11:

When I was in my early 20s, I was involved in the Central America Solidarity Movement. And after a very large battle that we lost, a woman named Mary Brent Wehrli said to me, "As an activist, you've chosen a very difficult row, and is often hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but you will meet the loveliest people on the way."

Speaker 1:

Wow.


Sharon Hayes, Ricerche: four, 2024. Two-channel 4k video, color, sound; 80 min; assorted chairs, and a bench. Courtesy of the artist and Tanya Leighton Gallery, Berlin and Los Angeles

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