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My name is Victoria and my eyeball hurts. I like long walks in the park, frolicking in the snow, and cheese on Tuesdays. Due to numerous bribes and the shaking of fists, I was lucky enough to be able to participate in another year of Youth Insights: rulers of the world, protectors of truth, providers of liberty, and the true creators of the American Constitution—that’s right, we really are over three hundred years old. We lurk behind your walls, eat all of your food, and get excited over twenty dollar paychecks. Why, you may ask? Because we are Youth Insights: lovers of scrabble, dancers on Tuesdays, and smiling fanatics.

I must say right now that this is the greatest program to have ever been programmed into your life (as Chris puts a twenty dollar bill in my pocket). Not only do we get paid to learn about art, but we eat the Whitney out of house and home as well. Right now I’m listening to Loura denounce Red Bull, and watching DM drinking it like a fanatic. This is just an example of some of the spiffy things we discuss, other than our normal talk of world domination! Okay, maybe I shouldn’t joke about that so some random Stalin impersonator doesn't take over this organization, but in all honesty, everyone, including you, Grandpa Joe, should want to be a part of Youth Insights: proclaimers of prophecies and leaders of the world.