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My name is Hemamset, Hemz for short. And I’m here to talk about me. I was born on a dark and stormy night, somewhere in the dark streets of New York, on June 10, 1989. As I was being carried home, lightning struck me, giving me the basketball skills of say, Michael Jordan, the writing skills of William Shakespeare, the piano-playing skills of Mozart, the competitive soul of a wild tiger, the game-playing skills of [insert master gamer here], the luck of the Irish, the Native Americans, and the Africans, and a passion for spaghetti, mangoes, grapes, pineapples, and the colors orange and blue.

But seriously, from my sneakers to the ‘fro on my head, I’m full of goodwill, good humor, and usually good food. And as a shout out to all you people, peace! Good luck to all you YI applicants! Thanks to Ma and Ba, couldn’t have done it without you! To my brothers, I love you, all four of you! My sister too! And a shout out to my aunt . . .

(Gets kicked off stage)