Late Nights at the Whitney
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I don’t do greetings so I’m just going to move on.
This was supposed to be the most amazing bio you’ve ever read. Seriously, I’m talking Chinese fireworks, pounds of pastrami, and a free trip to Madagascar. But I am a firm believer in procrastination and I am incredibly indecisive, a combination that leaves little room to get anything done. Instead of the bio that would put all other bios to shame, you’ll be reading a series of random sentences that explain very little about me. Worry not, you poor soul, it’ll still be pretty amazing, but that’s just because I’m a pretty amazing person. Between the lack of meat and the high level of arrogance, I can’t believe you’re still reading this. Let’s carry on with the festivities.
My name is Diane. I’m seventeen. I’m a senior at Bishop Ford Central Catholic High School. Yes, the name is long, but it is the best high school in Brooklyn. That’s not true; they just pay me to say that, and I use the money to buy liver! I don’t understand why people hate it so much, it tastes good. I like to eat it in front of the television. Reruns of Dawson’s Creek make my life complete. I hate rhyming, but I do like senioritis, it’s the best disease ever! I’ve been trying to catch it since September, but my doctor said I’m immune. He also said that I need more sleep. I’m not a pleasant person to begin with, but if I don’t get at least nine hours, I pity the fool (Mr. T’s the best) that has to deal with me. It’s not that I’m mean, I’m just incredibly blunt; simplicity is a virtue. People should tell the truth more often, it’s healthy, like black rice. My family is from Haiti. I don’t speak Creole, but that rice tastes like beautiful food. I like anything with a good beat, but only the elite make me tingle: Jay-Z (I’m taking up this time/ can’t knock the hustle . . .); old school reggae (I'm sorry/ is all that you can say . . .).
Out of control! I just like saying that. And now, a special appearance by my future. Enter indecision. I’m pretty sure that I want to write. It’s one of the few things I do well. Fashion design is a dream that I’ll have to revisit someday. I’m setting aside a Tuesday in 2020. For now, I’ll just dance! I started studying the Martha Graham technique three years ago. It's out of control! I’d consider it as a career option, but I’m really lazy; ironic, isn’t it?
What isn’t ironic is why I joined Youth Insights. There were two things I needed desperately: to meet new people and cash. I don’t know if I’m allowed to say this, but the art takes a back seat to the relationships I’m forming and the things I’m learning about myself. Education, soul-searching, diversity, it’s really convenient the way this program rolls it all up in a cute little package with a hot pink sticker labeled Whitney, which definitely doesn’t match my Air Jordan 4’s—without a doubt the best footwear ever created. I’m pretty sure that YI came from the same place Moses got those stone tablets. As I bury my head into my chin and laugh in silence (because there’s nothing like a blasphemous joke), it seems that we‘ve reached the end of something terribly amazing. If you miss me already, just read my bio again.